Curing Picky Eaters with Family Dinnertime
According to a recent study in The Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior (summarized here) picky eating habits (and the poor nutritional choices that often result) are directly correlated to frequency of communal family meals. To clarify, the study seems to equate “pickiness” with “unhealthy eating behavior,” when in actuality, they aren’t always the same. To me, a picky eater is one who keys into a few select foods that they will (or won’t) eat, but not necessarily to the point of jeopardizing their overall health. But I also realize that in many kids (and adults), pickiness can actually be flat-out refusing to eat anything green or anything that doesn’t come from a colorful cartoon-character laden box, etc.
Now before you jump up to claim that “we always eat meals together and I still have picky eaters” I think that there is more that comes into the equation. For instance, some people have a problem with busy work and extra-curricular schedules, and these can make family meal time difficult to achieve. I think it’s important to remember that this can be offset by a couple of efforts: 1) eat together AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, even if it is only 3-4 times a week, so long as everyone understands that it’s important to do so whenever you can. Make the effort and they will see the value in it. 2) it doesn’t have to necessarily include every family member; in our household, dad works weekend nights, so he isn’t around for dinner, but the rest of the week he is, and on the weekends, I am always here to sit down with the kids, so it still feels like “dinner.”
The issue of eating together aside, I think there are lots of other ways to go about encouraging good, healthy eating habits in children. My children will eat just about anything, and with gusto, and I often get asked by my peers “how do you do it?” How do you get your kids to eat salmon and salad and strong cheeses, etc.? For me, it comes down to two (or three) basic principles: 1) we (the parents) eat a large variety of foods prepared in different ways, and so they see us eating something and they are more inclined to eat it, too; 2) I RARELY prepare separate dishes for my children (exceptions: illnesses, extra spicy foods, or the occasional truly inedible dish — when even the parents agree). I prepare healthful, balanced meals and expect my family to eat (and enjoy) them, and while I let my kids (and husband) pick a handful of foods that I either avoid preparing or allow them to pick out (mushrooms, cilantro, or other things that induce true gag reflexes!), everyone still eats the same food at dinner time, even if they “don’t like it” (my youngest daughter’s excuse for everything). Which is where the third tenet comes in: TOUGH LOVE. Yes, I sometimes force my kids to eat what they are served. No, they don’t get dessert unless they finish everything on their plates (special occasions excluded), although I don’t force them to sit at the table until it’s gone, but they only are allowed to get up if they are “full” and then don’t get any more food until dinner is finished. I can count on one hand the amount of times either one of my children have asked for something besides what is served to them. They know the routine and they know I don’t waver, and I know they are better off because of it. I also don’t let them off with eating a tablespoon of peas or three leaves of lettuce; they eat substantial, “normal” sized portions of everything.
And my children eat just about everything, usually without too much fuss.
While we have occasional battles about finishing up meals, they are usually insignificant, and I believe that more often than not, the child is fretting about the meal when there is something else going on; perhaps they are tired, don’t feel well, are not truly hungry, are yearning for attention, or are just simply distracted. So it also helps to try to identify what is triggering their discontent besides the food. Does dinner need to be served earlier? Is the TV or computer on? Are we having a normal dinner conversation (instead of telling jokes or singing songs)? The article linked above has other suggestions for easing the mealtime battles, and I’m interested to hear what has worked (or not worked) for others.
