Kids Cuisine

Aarrrgh! Let’s just pretend this post is about pirates and their vocal expressions across the bow. In reality, it is one of my first jousts with a product review. Handed over from Well Fed was a “kid-friendly” product from a company creating health conscious, nutrition forward, in-your-face, over-the-top, good-for-you food.

And I really, really, really wanted to like it: this bow-worthy company takes healthy, environmentally conscious food to a top-notch level. My impression is that they are aiming to be benchmark quality fare, food that sets THE BAR that much higher. Pun intended, we made two types of bars: bake-at-home oatmeal cranberry walnut energy bars, and “blaze your own trail, bake your own bar” chocolate chip energy bars.

These brilliant folk are about blazing their own trail: what is not to love? They make politically correct look like an afterthought: all natural, no preservatives, made with organic oats and flax seed. These bars are made with options: original, dairy free or less sweet (tolerance just became the norm: did we miss anyone?). You can bake these with applesauce and yogurt, sub the yogurt with water, or use less yogurt, a trickle of water and a dash of vanilla flavoring (I am sensing organic vanilla would be the best choice).

And I really, really think the trail these makers are blazing is brilliant: organic, wheat and dairy sensitive, recycled materials for the box itself, options if you need less sugar, no preservatives, no hydrogenated oils, a source of Omega 3 “good” fats, and a welcome dose of protein. Why eat anything else? Oh, and an oven-baked fresh taste… on that one I really have to differ. Now granted it may be freshly baked, but the taste? Fresh is not an adjective I would use. Nor would I use warm and gooey or flaky and light. I wouldn’t even apply sweet or savory, cake-like or “like a granola bar.” Even the latter would be a compliment. Indeed, it tasted like… nothing really. And the consistency was like oatmeal baked and firmed up, in need of milk and maybe a whiff of sugar. But that is just me.
Look, I push the health wagon in my family. I cut up and provide fresh fruit, encourage them to try dry roasted edamame and vegetables from A to Z… and I genuinely love the entire concept behind Matisse and Jack’s bake-at-home bars. I really do. REALLY.

But they tasted like a nasty sponge. Okay, my palate is not so tuned into the flax, organic, spelt honey non-fructose, dirt-crusted food. I wish it were, but I had half a bite of each of these bars and could go no further. If the French Lady (French Ladies Don’t get Fat) taught me anything, it is to make your mouthfuls count. This really didn’t satisfy me on any level. Life is short and if food tastes like a dried out sponge it isn’t worth it to me, no matter how “good for you” it is. I want to enjoy my food and a piece of organic fruit or a pile of spinach from the farmer’s market will easily satisfy my nutrient deficiencies but with some palate-worthy panache.

But don’t ask me. I am another generation. Our children are better testers of the new brand of cognitive eating. If they like it, I will buy it for their health, if not just to support the recycling endeavor of the box itself. So? My 10 year old said it lacked in taste and my 11 year had maybe two bites. I think it was the physical equivalent of a shoulder shrug. Maybe it is an acquired taste. I would like to think so, because I genuinely think these folks have the right idea. And maybe I will buy a bunch of boxes to support their cause for responsible, nutritional, organic, health-savvy, recyclable eating—though I probably wouldn’t bake the bars. But don’t listen to me: go and buy a case-full. Try them, have your neighbors try them and then even if you don’t like them, buy the boxes because it is the right thing to do… which is why all I can really think to say, in a word, of this very product review is: arrrggh!